Recommendation #7: Develop an end of life plan with the active input of one's parent

Recommendation #7: Develop an end of life plan with the active input of one's parent

This article was very heartfelt, and I was able to associate very easily with the "fixer", as I am one also. The only problem here is for me it was the other way around. I was the mother and my mother was me. What do I mean by that, well my mother is not at her end of life at this moment, but over the last 6 months has gone through two major life threatening episodes and she was the one who was prepared, and I was not. I came in and wanted to fix her and the problem, and when I realize I was not able to fix them I became withdrawn, and frustrated. I would lash out, not at her but at others around me in frustration, and felt that I could not talk things over with anyone, especially her.

She was the wise one, although only 60 she had a mindset of how things were to be done, and I realized she was trying to take the burden off me and the others of my family. She attempted to discuss the various issues with us on numerous occasions before these last two incidents and no one would hear of it. She finally wrote me a letter telling me she needed me to hear her, not just listen to what she was saying, but to hear her and understand her. I agreed to try, and we discussed many things over a period of three hours, I understood that she needed to have me hear her plans, wants and needs in regards to her death. She was fearful that she would not survive the surgeries, or have results that would prevent her from telling us what her wishes were. That it would all come to late. I discovered that once she had told me, and she knew I understood that it took a big burden off of her. That she knew I would follow through with her wishes and that everything she wanted to have done would be done.

Thankfully, she came through both major life surgeries with few repercussions, and is back home. But she knows and I realize that she is part of her last days, and she will play a role in how they come about since I know what it is she wants to occur. She is relieved to know that whenever her time comes we will honor her wishes in all areas she has asked us to do so.